©Denica Yotova, Author
©Denica Yotova, Author
Your pain is talking to my pain.
I see the spark in your dark eyes.
I feel your story, sense your flame.
I know just how to break your ice.
I hear your thoughts from near and far.
You breathe my air. I speak your mind.
It’s all at stake. We’ve raised the bar.
We lose. We win. It’s intertwined.
My pain is melting in your pain.
The old heartaches start to dissolve.
Love comes and goes. It’s not in vain —
the deepest healing of our souls.
I conquer dreamers’ hearts and minds.
I conquer conquerors.
I know the magic to spellbind
the darkest sorcerers.
It’s dim and cosy in my soul.
At the core I’m tender.
I rule my sea from shore to shore
in sweet surrender.
My waves run by in blissful motion
but I love danger.
I favour your discrete devotion,
courageous strangers.
My waters know the cruel wars
of dying cultures;
the tragic drowning of lost souls
in search of fortune.
I know that humans are not bad.
They act from fear,
but fear is the biggest threat.
It nurtures evil.
My sea is made for love and sailing,
and happy living at the coast.
I beg you: stop the nasty reigning
over what was never yours.
We all die and nothing matters:
there’s no morning to begin
a brand new day to strive for better,
to rise above,
or stay within.
We all live, but does it matter?
Down in tears,
high on pride.
Now the former, then the latter:
playing ping-pong with both sides.
We all dream and long, and suffer
in the pursuit of a cause
that will make our “What for” matter,
but it doesn’t.
Just because.
June, July, and August.
Summer starry night.
Feeling young and robust.
Long and happy life.
We all want the honey,
but not to deal with bees.
Chasing love and money
without a sense of ease.
Enchanted by the title,
but blind for what’s behind.
To win the prize it’s vital
to know it has its price.
June, July, and August.
The sunny days of life.
We often choose to focus
only on one side.
There was something in you that I couldn’t conquer.
There was something in me that you couldn’t tame.
We got burned and reborn.
Now in loveless bunkers,
we are free from the pain,
but so out of the game.
There was something in me that you couldn’t release.
There was something in you that I wanted for life.
We merged heaven and hell with devotion and ease …
Now we’re grounded, at peace…
Neither dead nor alive.
There was something between us beyond life on Earth.
There was thrill and destruction…
I was you. You were I.
We belong to each other beyond death and rebirth.
We will travel through time.
Love is larger than life.
I’ve been in Hell.
I know the smell.
I know the taste of hopeless tears.
I wear the scars
from Saturn and Mars.
They’ve taught me well through all these years.
My shadow tried
to rule my life.
I‘ve turned to a dragon in the fire.
The stars align
in my own sign.
From all this wreck I’ll build an empire.
Around me people fall in love:
talk and giggle,
drink and dance.
Slow and gentle.
Wild and rough.
One-night stands and love-romance.
Around me, people meet each other:
narrowed eyes and pumping hearts.
Soul connection: nothing matters.
Down for love right from the start.
Sipping cocktails.
Downing shots.
Flirty smiles and touchy hands.
Dancing queens and Roman gods.
Chasing sunsets, happy ends…
At the corner of the bar
аll alone… No, I’m not sad.
This chase of love feels truly far.
I’ve been there.
I’ve done that.
Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew. Jack Gilbert
I’ve met defeat.
I know its taste.
It blew out malice in my face.
It mocked my efforts, gone to waste.
I know the burning of disgrace.
I know the shivers of the loss.
It stabbed my ribs.
It shrunk my soul.
I know the burden of the cross.
I leapt to win and lost it all.
I stood by winners out of place.
“The silver medal is a test”,
I thought to myself to erase
the heavy feeling in my chest.
Then, suddenly it crossed my mind -
the sober insight of defeat.
Both loss and triumph are divine.
It’s worth them both in life to meet.
From the ashes of your dreams,
from the bottom of the low,
from rejection to relief…
Find your sun
and know its glow!
You have calm to rule the storm.
You have spirit!
Breathe in life
into the void in a brand new form.
Start the fire!
Be the light!
Then aspire to create
from the rupture of your heart,
from your core,
your depth,
your fate
little spark to play your part!
From rejection to rebirth
it’s on you.
You call the shots!
You were born on planet Earth
for a reason.
Own your spot!
Love’s guided by the truth
among all earthly yearnings,
despite our need to soothe
the painful sense of burning.
Perhaps tonight I’ll pass by
all dressed up in temptation
cat-walking on the thin line
of your imagination.
Perhaps you’ll see at last
beyond the veil of caution
that every time I pass
you’re holding back emotions.
I’m daring you to come down.
Desert the throne of wisdom.
I see your inner meltdown
and find it strangely handsome.
My smile is a confession:
you light a blaze inside me.
I summon with discretion
my sanity to guide me.
Because I want it all,
I could not stop for half love,
nor could I’ve fallen short
on following a firm path.
I could not choose the wrong ones,
nor could I choose the half-good.
No side affairs, not once!
I could not do what I could
have done, if I could put up
with less than I deserve.
No small deceits, no hookups.
I had to have the nerve.
I could not have it partly.
I could not sacrifice
what I desire heartily
for instant pleasing lies.
Because I want it all,
I had to be severe
and run on self-control
to make it up till here.
I haven’t made it yet, though.
No shortcuts to the top.
Because I want it all,
for less, I cannot stop.
I have a room full of failures
in my castle of struggle.
All my life made of trailers,
I’m a love story smuggler.
I’m the queen of desires
and the servant of all.
In my head rise empires
and they crumble and fall…
I roam the valleys of the wreck
to the ghost town of lovers.
I’m the dust on the trek.
I’m the peak undercover.
In my room of deceptions
I feel cosy and sweet.
There’s just one exception:
Dear failures, I quit.
You and I in Golden ratio,
as Albert Einstein valued once
the feeling of utter amazement,
when people are taking the chance
to find out the number of something.
Two atoms in a holy collision.
If life is a matter of dancing,
then love’s the initial decision.
You and I in a division by zero -
an error in cosmic realms.
We are either two fools or two heroes,
recklessly manning the helm.
But what is the point to accept
the limits created by others?
It takes many errors to get
the answer that finally matters.
You and I are irrational numbers.
Our patterns remain undefined.
Our love is of lightning and thunder.
Our home is the vast open sky.
I wanted you to have me
as the love inside your heart.
No, you didn’t.
You found plenty
comfy ways to keep me far…
On the sidelines, easy, handy…
As a lover, as a star…
Now let me be a scar.
My soul is talking to your soul.
The spoken words don’t matter.
Until it hurts we got to know
each other in what happened.
You live in my heart’s sacred place,
despite the sadness that I miss you.
My eyes are falling on your face
and from afar I kiss you.
Away from you, I love you still.
I send my love with no condition.
In time and space, our souls will swirl
in search for oneness as a mission.
But souls don’t part or separate.
They all are one somewhere above.
I love you more than we can take
right now, but there is higher love!
I’d rather be a feather
than an ounce of pure gold.
I’d go on with the weather,
no matter hot or cold.
I’d rather be a snowflake
than an iceberg in the ocean.
Sometimes it takes a heartbreak
to set your heart in motion.
I’d rather give you freedom
than struggle to control.
I’d go on with the rhythm
of my infinite soul.
I’d rather keep on changing
my mind and moving on
than being stuck pretending
in life that’s not my own.
It’s not about me winning.
It’s all about the loss.
The will for a new beginning,
the skill to move across.
What does it mean to let it go,
to overcome, to turn the page
when all of you desires more?
What does it take to disengage?
What does it mean to master love,
to run your life with self-control?
What does it cost to rise above
all your wantings, sane and whole?
How does it feel to choose what’s right,
When your heart does not obey?
What does it mean to turn the tide,
Defeat your flesh and walk away?
What is the way to keep your soul?
To learn to lose and give up all…
The weddings of the others.
Their sugar-coated dreams.
The happiness that shatters
down there deep within.
The pics of us together.
The songs of teenage past.
The changes in the weather.
The thought that nothing lasts.
The feeling of delusion.
This state of being lost.
My self-doubt and confusion
of what I am supposed
to be and to become.
The penetrating questions.
My brain just slowly numbs
my heart with dull suggestions.
All reasoning and science,
denying the unknown.
I am sad of all the biased
but eager to perform.
The cautious plans and forecasts.
All human nature’s flaws.
I am sad to know the contrasts -
the symptoms and the cause.
I am sad. I am sad. I am tired.
I need to know what’s true.
This sadness lights my fire.
It purifies my view.
It’s somehow sad when seasons change.
The break of dawn defeats the gloom.
Each sunbeam feels like small revenge
for summer nights just gone too soon.
It’s always odd when seasons change.
The leaves are gone, but there’s no snow.
The whole life’s trapped in this dusk stage
of holding on and letting go.
But there is a thrill when seasons change
and oxygen feels like morphine.
The white is pierced by the range
of all the shades of pure green.
Oh, thank you, God, that seasons change
for changes keep us off the hook.
Sometimes we need to turn the page,
sometimes we need a brand-new book.
I learn to live with open questions,
with peaceful steps to the unknown.
I learn to give up my suggestions
on how the world should have gone.
I learn to love what life has brought,
to take my chances as they come.
Success may find me or may not,
but either way, I won’t feel down.
I learn to live with no concern
about what happens in my life.
Whatever’s to be learnt I’ll learn.
The rest belongs to the afterlife.
Shall we make it happen
or simply let it die?
Are we behind the weapon
or on the target line?
Is it transcendent prayer?
Is it some cosmic law?
The victim or the slayer?
The patching or the flaw?
Is love the sheer answer
to all the subtle lies
that grow in us like cancer
and suffocate our sighs?
Have we been meant for lovers?
Are we just doomed to wait?
It’s time, which will uncover
the truth, but I have faith.
There were times when I would follow you
to Rome or Milan, or the Moon…
The sun is back, and I am over you.
My heart is vast, but there’s no room
for you despite your wish to visit
my world outside of your domain.
It’s not that broken, is it -
as when it was under your reign?
Two years ago, I’d give up on myself
to give our love a proper chance.
The sun is back, and I’m all safe.
In falling, I have learnt to dance.
Even though my heart collapsed so badly broken,
even though the distance turned out to be so fierce,
I do not want to leave my words for you unspoken,
so here are they all: I still love you, dear.
Even though my lips may never taste your kissing,
even though our paths may never cross again,
in my sleepless nights, it’s you that I’m still missing,
praying that you’re better and never feel this pain.
Even though this letter may sound like a Goodbye,
it’s only a confession, perhaps my only way
to wish you a Happy birthday, so take it as a Hi.
Be blessed my dear lover and celebrate your day!
At the moment when I tremble
that you’re here or you’re not;
and my mind begins to gamble
should I stay or should I not…
It’s the moment when the feeling
of indulgence just prevails
for there’s something still appealing
yet for me to be unveiled:
how your fingers play with grace
all the strings of my existence;
how they know and wield the place
of my desires. No resistance!
At the moment when you tremble:
am I there, am I not —
it’s the moment you can’t handle
your deep longing for my love.
And regardless if we are strong,
we are fated to be helpless.
That’s the power to belong
to the Master of all senses –
stubborn, tricky, destined LOVE.
I’m not an alluring desire
that crosses your mind at midnight.
I’m not an exotic attire
to tedious everyday life.
I’m not a meteoric comet
that passes tonight through your sky.
My brightness is not for a moment.
I’m not a beach flirt in July.
I’m not some lunatic devotion.
I’m not some chimerical art.
If I have provoked some emotions,
it’s too late to fool your own heart.
It could be infinite and steady
as a skyline, a sea wave, a star…
If you try to neglect it already,
it’s you against you in this war.
What I bestow is permanent glee.
What I grant is defeat in your strife.
All the genuine blessings are free.
Would you let me bring life to your life?
A look, a kiss, a touch…
A choice that changed your life.
It’s too late to detach.
A husband and a wife!
Time reveals the hidden truth
in such a way as nothing could.
And when time gets you all undressed,
how would you cope with bareness?